Real Instagram Captions

One of my most popular posts in 2017 is actually one from 2015 – Real Instagram Captions.  So let’s do an update! I actually manage four Instagram accounts. Excessive? Maybe. But whatever, it works. There’s MagMileRunner (sporty spice), magwolff (personal spice), Kitten.VonPurr (NSFW spice) and Olive.Von.Purr (that would be my cat).


Instagram Caption: “Happy my hoomans are home [some kind of cat emoji]”

Real Caption: “I shit on the floor while you were gone. Twice.”



Instagram Caption: “I really was a Rockette* in a past life, that’s no lie. #tbt to dancing with my favorite cat lady burlyQ bestie.”

Real Caption: “We’ve performed this duet three times and I still cannot remember in certain parts if the left or right leg goes first.”



Instagram Caption: “Life before selfie sticks and Ubers [smiley emojoi] Also that blow up doll (Mr Stud) made it to a lot of our bachelorette parties. What a trooper [crying laughing emoji] #tbt”

Real Caption: “Some people have fancy bachelorette parties in Vegas or at spas and/or rent limos. Mine was a sex toy party and potluck dinner and then riding public transportation to a cheesy male exotic dancer show and it was such a wonderful night that I wish I could do every year … MOH Gen NAILED IT and kept it as classy as I am.”

(One of these days I’m going to start a bachelorette party planning business because those are my favorite parties.)



Instagram Caption: “We’re not lone Wolffs tonight… we are a Wolffpack of 2 [bunch o’ emoji]”

Real Caption: “I was a little drunk when I took this pic and immediately dropped my phone and shattered the screen after taking it.”

Yeah, that really happened.



Instagram Caption: “”And after the skirt comes off, DON’T CLENCH.” Pretty sure that’s what I was saying [peach emoji]”

Real Caption: “And after the skirt comes off, DON’T CLENCH. Also, how come typical turnout for these workshops is either my only two friends who come or all no-shows?”



Instagram Caption: “Being strong has many perks, like being able to throw down moves like this on stage [emoji]”

Real Caption: “I almost fell off the chair during this performance. TWICE.”



Instagram Caption: “Sunshine and wine”

Real Caption: “This is my husband’s wine. Someone has to be the DD and he’s kind of drunk.”


So there you go. What “real” captions do you have?


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