One of my most popular posts in 2017 is actually one from 2015 – Real Instagram Captions.  So let’s do an update! I actually manage four Instagram accounts. Excessive? Maybe. But whatever, it works. There’s MagMileRunner (sporty spice), magwolff (personal spice), Kitten.VonPurr (NSFW spice) and Olive.Von.Purr (that would be my cat).

olive

Instagram Caption: “Happy my hoomans are home [some kind of cat emoji]”

Real Caption: “I shit on the floor while you were gone. Twice.”

 

duet

Instagram Caption: “I really was a Rockette* in a past life, that’s no lie. #tbt to dancing with my favorite cat lady burlyQ bestie.”

Real Caption: “We’ve performed this duet three times and I still cannot remember in certain parts if the left or right leg goes first.”

 

bach-party

Instagram Caption: “Life before selfie sticks and Ubers [smiley emojoi] Also that blow up doll (Mr Stud) made it to a lot of our bachelorette parties. What a trooper [crying laughing emoji] #tbt”

Real Caption: “Some people have fancy bachelorette parties in Vegas or at spas and/or rent limos. Mine was a sex toy party and potluck dinner and then riding public transportation to a cheesy male exotic dancer show and it was such a wonderful night that I wish I could do every year … MOH Gen NAILED IT and kept it as classy as I am.”

(One of these days I’m going to start a bachelorette party planning business because those are my favorite parties.)

 

lone-wolf

Instagram Caption: “We’re not lone Wolffs tonight… we are a Wolffpack of 2 [bunch o’ emoji]”

Real Caption: “I was a little drunk when I took this pic and immediately dropped my phone and shattered the screen after taking it.”

Yeah, that really happened.

 

dont-clench

Instagram Caption: “”And after the skirt comes off, DON’T CLENCH.” Pretty sure that’s what I was saying [peach emoji]”

Real Caption: “And after the skirt comes off, DON’T CLENCH. Also, how come typical turnout for these workshops is either my only two friends who come or all no-shows?”

 

chair-dance

Instagram Caption: “Being strong has many perks, like being able to throw down moves like this on stage [emoji]”

Real Caption: “I almost fell off the chair during this performance. TWICE.”

 

sunshine-and-wine

Instagram Caption: “Sunshine and wine”

Real Caption: “This is my husband’s wine. Someone has to be the DD and he’s kind of drunk.”

 

So there you go. What “real” captions do you have?