This morning I went to my first Pilsen Yoga Tribe practice in 8 weeks. How did that happen??
This morning’s focus was all about pushing through things that are challenging, that we don’t think we’re capable of. Making space for it, working through it, and finding our own strength. It might feel painful, but is it truly? Or just uncomfortable?
I’ve been working through some challenges recently. I had a lot of concerns about the meal plan part of the Little Black Dress project. Could I challenge myself to change my diet? Eliminate certain things? I’m finding that I actually don’t miss the things that aren’t part of the meal plan. There were Reese’s peanut butter cup brownies backstage at last night’s show, I could even smell them as others were eating them. I didn’t have one, and didn’t think twice about it. Who am I??
I’m also currently working on my first burlesque solo. The motivation is art imitating life – my inspiration is the mental struggles we put ourselves through. I’m always in my head. All the time. Can I do this? Is this right? What if? What else? Question question question. And I’m starting to question the solo – is this even a good concept? Can I create something people will understand? Will they like? Or will I create crap? What am I even doing here? Do I even have any talent? Who do I think I am? Now I feel like it’s life imitating art. Which is good, at least this can really inspire my act. I actually had some thoughts about it during yoga this morning, and I’m already feeling better about it.
And challenges at work. I have been really enjoying my job lately. For the past couple years, I’ve been going through a lot of thoughts of what exactly I want to do? And the work I’ve been doing lately has really given me a lot of insight, to the point of considering a masters degree related to this area. But the challenge – I’m now being asked to do something different. Something I think I could really enjoy, but I’d have to give up some of the recent things I’ve really enjoyed. I wish I could do both things. But do I accept this new assignment, which would be a great learning opportunity for me and allow me to develop extremely marketable skills? Or do I … not? (And honestly, I don’t know what the “not” is.) I want to cling to my current role – I know I love it, I know I enjoy it, and I think I’m good at it. There is safety in that. But you don’t grow when you keep yourself in a safe space. I mean, my whole field (digital) is rooted in the fact that everything changes, and it changes fast. Adapt or die. So, I need to adapt.
These things all make me uncomfortable. It’s safe to stick to a “comforting” diet of food that tastes good. It’s safe to not get up on stage and be vulnerable in front of others. It’s safe to continue only doing what you know you can do well.
But I want to grow. I want to challenge myself. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but I doubt any of it will be truly painful. I will survive. I will learn. I will surprise myself.
Every post needs a picture. Sunset from our roof deck a few weeks ago.