Last night I had my first sports massage. Or, as I like to think of it, the most attention anyone has given my thigh and ass when it wasn’t good for either of us. (Well, I guess the therapist did get paid, so there’s that.)

Apparently, not only were my muscles really tight right above my left knee, but given the world of pain she put me through, they were tight in the rest of my quad and my hip and glute. But it was a good pain. But next time I’m establishing a safe word.

She recommended that I take it easy for the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday, and I can try running again on Thursday. Great! Except … Thursday is when Van #1 leaves for Madison for the Ragnar Relay. That’s cutting it really close if I attempt running in the morning and it’s not pain free. And even if I can run a few miles pain free, can I run 15 miles in 30 hours pain free? The massage was promising, but Ragnar is probably not the best time to “take it one day at a time and see how you feel.”

But I had a team. I made  commitment. I didn’t want to bail and leave them to pick up my slack. But would it be better to go and end up dropping out? Or to go and try to drag myself through it, constantly worried about my knee? Or go and make things worse with my knee, instead of easing back into it like I probably should?

Am I being too dramatic? Probably, but that’s what was going through my mind. This is stupid to even attempt right now. You haven’t run without sharp, limping pain in awhile. I could try to suck it up and do it for my team but really, I needed to be selfish. This is supposed to be fun. No one wants me to make things worse. Besides, my team knew I was dealing with this. We were already looking for a sub. I’m guessing no one was expecting me to suddenly be like “NEVERMIND! Imma run anyway.”

At the very least, I can do the role that will probably serve my team better. Van #2 was without a designated driver (different meaning). That sounded exhausting for them. So hopefully by serving as driver, I can still help the team and no one will get mad at me for bailing on the running part three days in advance.

But I still feel like the Wurst Teammate Ever.

14189424014_000fe8b5e4_z