When I was seven years old, my mom pierced my ears. I assume it involved sticking a potato behind my ear and shoving a giant needle through the lobe.
When I was in high school, I decided (OK, popular trends decided) that it would be cool to have my ears triple-pierced. (It was the mid-to-late 90s.) Once again, I turned to mom. (She also cut my hair until I went away to college … and probably even then too, when I came home on breaks.)
She acquired the necessary ear-piercing supplies via the hospital. (I’m certain she purchased them in the pharmacy.) When the time came, I plopped on the toilet in her bathroom, and she applied some gel to my lobes.
A conversation that I only assume happened:
Me: What’s that?
Mom: It’s what we use to numb the baby boys before circumcision.
Me: …. OK.
Mom jabs needle into my ear.
Me: AUGHHHHHH OMGWTFBBQ ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Me: I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THOSE BABY BOYS.
Needless to say … my ears were not numb. Somehow, she went through with piercing the other three holes.
However, after the triple piercing was done, we realized the holes were a bit too close together. So, we let them close up a little, and a few weeks later, my mom repierced them. This time she tried a different tactic. With more stuff “from the hospital.”
Another conversation that I only assume happened:
Me: Why do you have a syringe?
Mom: I’m going to give you a shot in the ears to numb them this time.
Me: This better work.
Mom does stuff to my ear.
Mom: Do you feel that?
Me: Feel what?
Mom: You have a giant needle in your earlobe.
Me: Oh. No. Cool.
And about 10 years later I decided triple pierced ears were no longer my thing, and those holes have since closed up.
For the record, she also pierced her own cartilage (helix).
There are actually many other reasons why I won’t circumcise my non-existent sons. But I know that is a personal decision for every parent, so I’ll keep all of that to myself. (At least for now.)