So, in the interest of hashtag Real Talk, I’m going through … a weird time right now. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m getting older, or that I’m adjusting to grad school on top of working full time. But I seem to have lost interest in doing anything other than work, school, working out, or hanging out with my partners. I keep putting fun stuff on my calendar – a friend’s party, a social workout, a concert, etc. And when the time comes, I honestly would rather stay in and relax. And I have zero FOMO about skipping whatever it was. Which is great, right? No FOMO? Clearly I’m satisfied with my life? But, and maybe this is just my nature to overthink things, my lack of FOMO, while I’m doing so little “fun” stuff, is concerning. Am I turning into a hermit? And am I OK with that? I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few months now, and started talking to her about this, and basically, I said if I’m OK with it, then this must be what I need right now, and she agreed. So I’m trying not to overthink it (LOL) and just … live in the now. And the now wants to chill. And get A’s on every test, every lab, every class … I also have on my “therapy To Do list” to talk about why my measure of “doing well” is being perfect and/or the best. Not at everything (hello running) but when it comes to things I’m good at. Like math. Did I tell you I used to set the curve in my high school honors math classes? But I had a classmate in my grade who was in the honors math class for the grade ahead of us, so what did it really matter if I set the curve? He was still better than me …
OK, this post seems to be falling off track. Well, to bring it back, last month’s highlights were CLLAW aka the Chicago League of Lady Arm Wrestlers, and freaking out over my midterm. I’ll get into the latter below, in the meantime, here are some photos from CLLAW. I introduced a new character … OktoberFIST.
This would be our Holiday Card if we sent such things
I just lost my first match to the CLLAW XXX champ, Stone Cold Jane Austen.
Snaps to my awesome manager Nina aka Frau Fist,
for always getting into character with me (bottom left)
Photo by Trainman Photography
Anywho. Other than CLLAW, not much happened. I went to work. I went to class. I got a 76% on my midterm. (I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.)
I also ran my highest mileage month (70 miles) since last November. I know that doesn’t seem like much to a lot of runners, and a few years ago would have felt like a light month to me, but with all the injuries, aches, pains, etc, I’ve been working through this year, it’s noteworthy to me. It was also my second highest month in the past year in terms of the amount of time I spent working out (almost 21 hours).
So, like I said, my life is basically work, school, working out, and spending time with the two people closest to me. And occasionally family. Exciting.
Anyway, my 2018 goals:
Goal #1: Safely re-build fitness.
As I said, this was my best month, fitness-wise, in a while. My sprained ankle seems to be fine, the only time I noticed anything is when I’m trying to do Warrior 1 pose in yoga. There’s no pain, but I can tell my flexibility in my right ankle is different from my left. I getting back in the habit of workouts, even falling into a routine with some of the classes offered in the gym in my office building. So that feels good.
Goal #2: No Pain.
While my ankle and knee have been fine, I seem to have a new issue! Of course! My achilles tendons have felt pretty tight. On both sides. I’m not sure exactly why. To combat it, I’ve been taking magnesium & potassium supplements, I go to yoga 1-3x per week, I’ve been doing some extra stretching to target my Achilles. Some days, it’s fine and I don’t notice it. Other days it feels so tight and bordering on sore when I run.
Goal #3: Graduate School.
This quarter’s class is interesting. (I’m sure they will all be interesting.) It’s a mash-up of linear algebra and calculus. Now, as I like to say, I’ve never met a type of math I didn’t like. (Yes, I really say that. Usually, it’s when people are like “oh I hated algebra but I loved geometry.” But for me, if it’s math (or food), I generally like it and am interested in it.) But trying to cram these two subjects into one 11-week quarter is … rough. And while our professor seems like a nice guy, he’s a bit all over the place and very theoretical in his explainations. I spent a ton of time studying for the midterm, spent hours watching videos on Khan Academy (where was that when I was an undergrad?) and felt like I aced the midterm … and my grade was a 76%. I’d like to say I was cool with it, but no, I have no chill when it comes to grades. It may as well have been an F. Anyway, our final is a week from tomorrow, and while I’m pretty certain I’ll pass the class, I’m trying to prepare myself to be OK with not getting an A.
Goal #4: Find a Tribe.
Based on what I said above, not only has this not been a priority but I’m starting to feel like I’m actively working against this goal.
Goal #5: Authenticity.
I tried to make some private goals for myself around this one and I’ve … chickened out, to be honest.
I blame my math tutor for my grade.