November 2018 Check-in

So, in the interest of hashtag Real Talk, I’m going through … a weird time right now. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m getting older, or that I’m adjusting to grad school on top of working full time. But I seem to have lost interest in doing anything other than work, school, working out, or hanging out with my partners.  I keep putting fun stuff on my calendar – a friend’s party, a social workout, a concert, etc. And when the time comes, I honestly would rather stay in and relax. And I have zero FOMO about skipping whatever it was. Which is great, right? No FOMO? Clearly I’m satisfied with my life? But, and maybe this is just my nature to overthink things, my lack of FOMO, while I’m doing so little “fun” stuff, is concerning. Am I turning into a hermit? And am I OK with that? I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few months now, and started talking to her about this, and basically, I said if I’m OK with it, then this must be what I need right now, and she agreed. So I’m trying not to overthink it (LOL) and just … live in the now. And the now wants to chill. And get A’s on every test, every lab, every class … I also have on my “therapy To Do list” to talk about why my measure of “doing well” is being perfect and/or the best. Not at everything (hello running) but when it comes to things I’m good at. Like math. Did I tell you I used to set the curve in my high school honors math classes? But I had a classmate in my grade who was in the honors math class for the grade ahead of us, so what did it really matter if I set the curve? He was still better than me …

OK, this post seems to be falling off track. Well, to bring it back, last month’s highlights were CLLAW aka the Chicago League of Lady Arm Wrestlers, and freaking out over my midterm. I’ll get into the latter below, in the meantime, here are some photos from CLLAW. I introduced a new character … OktoberFIST.

This would be our Holiday Card if we sent such things

 

I just lost my first match to the CLLAW XXX champ, Stone Cold Jane Austen. 

Snaps to my awesome manager Nina aka Frau Fist,
for always getting into character with me (bottom left)

Photo by Trainman Photography

Anywho. Other than CLLAW, not much happened. I went to work. I went to class. I got a 76% on my midterm. (I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.)

I also ran my highest mileage month (70 miles) since last November. I know that doesn’t seem like much to a lot of runners, and a few years ago would have felt like a light month to me, but with all the injuries, aches, pains, etc, I’ve been working through this year, it’s noteworthy to me. It was also my second highest month in the past year in terms of the amount of time I spent working out (almost 21 hours).

  

So, like I said, my life is basically work, school, working out, and spending time with the two people closest to me. And occasionally family. Exciting.

Anyway, my 2018 goals:

Goal #1: Safely re-build fitness.

As I said, this was my best month, fitness-wise, in a while. My sprained ankle seems to be fine, the only time I noticed anything is when I’m trying to do Warrior 1 pose in yoga. There’s no pain, but I can tell my flexibility in my right ankle is different from my left. I getting back in the habit of workouts, even falling into a routine with some of the classes offered in the gym in my office building. So that feels good.

Goal #2: No Pain.

While my ankle and knee have been fine, I seem to have a new issue! Of course! My achilles tendons have felt pretty tight. On both sides. I’m not sure exactly why. To combat it, I’ve been taking magnesium & potassium supplements, I go to yoga 1-3x per week, I’ve been doing some extra stretching to target my Achilles. Some days, it’s fine and I don’t notice it. Other days it feels so tight and bordering on sore when I run.

Goal #3: Graduate School.

This quarter’s class is interesting. (I’m sure they will all be interesting.) It’s a mash-up of linear algebra and calculus. Now, as I like to say, I’ve never met a type of math I didn’t like. (Yes, I really say that. Usually, it’s when people are like “oh I hated algebra but I loved geometry.”  But for me, if it’s math (or food), I generally like it and am interested in it.) But trying to cram these two subjects into one 11-week quarter is … rough. And while our professor seems like a nice guy, he’s a bit all over the place and very theoretical in his explainations. I spent a ton of time studying for the midterm, spent hours watching videos on Khan Academy (where was that when I was an undergrad?) and felt like I aced the midterm … and my grade was a 76%. I’d like to say I was cool with it, but no, I have no chill when it comes to grades. It may as well have been an F.  Anyway, our final is a week from tomorrow, and while I’m pretty certain I’ll pass the class, I’m trying to prepare myself to be OK with not getting an A.

Goal #4: Find a Tribe.

Based on what I said above, not only has this not been a priority but I’m starting to feel like I’m actively working against this goal.

Goal #5: Authenticity.

I tried to make some private goals for myself around this one and I’ve … chickened out, to be honest.

I blame my math tutor for my grade. 

 

Share this post

4 Comments on “November 2018 Check-in”

  1. I think if I had as much going on as you have, I wouldn’t have any interest in going out and doing social things, either. Heck, I have less going on than you since I don’t have school, and I STILL barely have any interest in going out and doing social things, haha. Even on weekends, when I technically have more time available to do social things, most of the time I would much rather be at home, relax, and do nothing vs. being around other people. Perhaps that’s just my introvert showing, though.

    I totally feel you on the grades thing. When I was in school, as far as I was concerned, there were two grades: A and F. If it wasn’t an A, it may as well have been an F (even if it was an A-). I felt like my grades defined my entire self worth, and I don’t miss that AT. ALL. I hope you’re able to find some peace with however you end up doing in that class (which sounds bonkers, by the way, but then again I never met a type of math I *did* like, so my opinion is obviously a bit different than yours 😛 )

    1. It’s funny, when most of my co-workers ask about my grade, and I admit disappointment in non-A grades, they are like “What! A B is a good grade!” But my boss gets me. When I share that I got a B or C, she’s like “oh, well that’s not bad” and I’m like “it’s not an A!” and she gets it.

      Also, I’m definitely an introvert, and need my chill time to recharge.

  2. I can totally relate to the want to be perfect. It’s exhausting to deal with this unrelenting internal urge. My therapist always asks, “Did the world end when you weren’t perfect with X?” And the answer is always no, although often I don’t feel that way. But now I try to have her voice in my head as I obsess over spell check on a blog post or head out for a run. It helps… sometimes.

    And I think this is an authentic post, so that’s something for goal 5 🙂

    1. My therapist has used the “if your friend was going through this, what would you say to her” to make me admit that it’s ok if I’m not perfect at everything.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.