State of Me: 2015

At the end of my 2015 Highlights posts, I mentioned that I’m not totally where I want to be in some areas of my life. So, maybe this will be a new theme, but this is the state of me, at the end of 2015:

Health, physical: I’m thankful for my health and no major health concerns. I haven’t really challenged my knee lately to see where I’m at, however, I haven’t been doing my PT exercises (shocking), so I can guess how that would go. I have been working out pretty regularly, but I’m annoyed at how many times work gets in the way of a planned workout. I’ve gained back almost all of the weight I lost when I was super into running and training for the 2012 Chicago Marathon, however, I have more muscle and I’m not quite back up to the size I was at my highest weight. So there’s that. Sure, I’d like to lose weight a be a smaller size again, but I’d also like to be strong and not jack up my knee.


Owning these damn burpees. 

Health, mental: I am thankful to be of sound mind, however, that doesn’t mean I don’t have my challenges. I think I’m doing pretty well. I think improvements in other areas will directly affect my overall mental state. I think it might do me some good to see a therapist again and talk about some issues that have come up recently, so we’ll see.

Living authentically: The older I get, and the better I get to know myself, the more I realize there are a lot of “conventional” things that don’t work for me. My attitude toward nudity (doesn’t bother me), the way I love (quite unconventional), and my desire to rear children (completely lacking). While I might not be the same person as my mother, one thing I learned from her is to just be myself and not give a rat’s ass (one of her favorite phrases). There are still some things that I’m very much private about, but less and less so as I become more comfortable with it.

Love: Things are going well here, although I worry more about the people I love than the love we share.

Money: This is the area of my life where I feel I have failed the most. We still have a lot of credit  card debt, and we’re trending in the wrong direction, despite our best efforts. And unfortunately, this mountain of debt that we haven’t gotten out from under is prohibiting us from experiencing a lot of other things, such as …

Travel: This is something I really wish I did more of. But it’s really hard to do given our currently financial situation – we don’t have a lot of room in our budget for “extras” so travel has never been an option. I really would like to get to a point where it’s a regular part of my life.


We did “see the ocean” this year, that doesn’t happen very often.

Friends: Friendships as you age just gets weirder and weirder, in good and bad ways. The good is that the better you get to know yourself, the more able you are to build friendships with people who really get you. The bad is that the majority of people my age are having babies and moving to the suburbs (or … staying there). Meaning it’s hard to make time for each other and continue to build said relationships. Friendship continues to take more and more work the older you get. But it’s worth it. I am still close to some people who have known me since I was a wee child, and I have made new friends in the past year who really get me.

Culture: Having some kind of culture in my life is important to me – taking classes, performing, attending performances, visiting museums/galleries, reading books, etc. Even though I try to include this all in my life, I need more to feel satisfied.

Professional: Like many of us, this is a tricky topic for me. My recent vague post was about my unhappiness at work. Right now I’m in the position where really good things could happen for me – but it’s up to other people to approve it (paying for training and shifting my responsibilities). However, I’m giving myself a timeline for this to happen, and if not … well, then it’s up to me.

Getting outside my comfort zone: This is something I strive to do somewhat regularly. Every time I get on stage, even though I love it, there is an element of being out of my comfort zone. Running used to push  me out of my comfort zone, but I’m not sure if my knee will let me do that  again.


Look, ma, I’m “acting”. Photo by Eve Studnicka

So, that’s where I’m at right now. Some things are great, and some things I’d like to improve. Time to set some goals … in my next post.

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5 Comments on “State of Me: 2015”

  1. I relate to so much of this. I’ve been having weird pain on the bottom of my feet so I haven’t been running much and have also a noticed my weight ticking up, although my clothes still fit. I’m hoping that’s due to my increase in strength training. I kind of hate that the number on the scale affects how I feel about myself. Something to work on.
    Also, I’ve always been unconventional too and at 35 I am finally embracing it rather than feeling like a freak for not wanting kids, not caring about being married (although I finally did that, to make my wife happy), not being straight but not being a lesbian either, and being perfectly content being by myself for hours at a time.
    I see a therapist and it’s been helpful for organizing my thoughts and being clearer on how I feel and what I want.

    1. I saw a therapist for a few months a few years ago, and it helped a lot! Lately, through conversations with a close friend, I’ve started to realize some things about myself that I wasn’ totally aware of, but it makes a lot of sense, and I want to process it a bit more.

      I definitely relate to the “I’m not totally X … but I’m not totally Y either.” There needs to be more appreciation for the variety in the middle.

  2. I gained all the weight I lost in 2012 back too. I know it’s because I stopped working out regularly for a while and didn’t adjust my food accordingly, which makes me a little mad at myself.

    I don’t think not wanting kids is as unconventional as it perhaps used to be (or maybe more women are talking about it now), though it does seem like having kids is the default assumption that a lot of people put on women in their 20’s and 30’s.

    Hey, and this friend moved to the suburbs to not have babies 🙂

  3. Sounds there is a lot of good and a lot of in between happening for you right now, which is the worst! I am so impatient and hate waiting, so I totally understand.

    On the money front- have you ever checked out Dave Ramsey’s approach to paying off debt? I bet you have, but his system is really awesome and we’ve been using cash for the past few years and it’s helped us save a TON.

  4. My husband and I are in our early to mid thirties, in Chicago, no kids on the horizon. I miss traveling, used to do more on my own and with him, but it has been key in us digging out of debt. I’d like to travel more in the future but not adding tons of flights and hotels to our credit cards has made out wallets much happier.

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